What I’m Lovin’ Wednesday: Lovie Dovie Season

I admit it: I used to be a Valentine’s Day hater.  Comments like “It’s just a Hallmark holiday” used to come out of my mouth all of the time.  Yep, I still think that it is a marketing charade; however my perspective has shifted in the past decade, and of course I love my Valentine, friends, and family on more than just one day a year dictated by the calendar.  Now I think it is just nice to take a minute to pause and remind your loved ones that they are loved, and I tend to go a little overboard and celebrate the entire month of February lol  Call me an extremist!

In case you’re looking for inspiration for how to celebrate all month, here are some of the recipes and lovely crafts (pun totally intended) that we do to celebrate the chocolate gorging, sappy chatting,  lovie dovie season:

Paper Heart Garland

Lovely Grilled Cheese & Tomato Bisque

Red Velvet Hot Chocolate

Heart-Shaped Valentine’s Pancakes

Chalkboard Message Mugs

Puppy Love

Sweetheart Cupcakes

Wordy Hearts

“The Key to my Heart”

Yarn LOVE

Doily Jars

Hanging Tea Towel

“Be Mine” Garland

Love Bird Mantle 
I hope this helps you start getting ready for the big love-fest!

Happy Hump Day my blog Valentines!

What I Learned Through Infertility

How has infertility changed me? I know that not everyone’s struggle with infertility looks like mine; I acknowledge that this is still part of our story, that the fight isn’t over, that the anxiety isn’t gone, but for now we find peace.  Everyone’s struggle with infertility is different and everyone processes it differently; however, a loss is a loss, grief is grief and it doesn’t matter where you are in your journey, it always hurts.  From my personal experiences this is what I’ve learned and this is how I have changed:

• Upon the diagnosis of infertility, you started to wonder why infertility has happened to you, and you feel like less of a woman. You get mad at those who undesirably get pregnant (usually those under the age of 18 or on drugs), and wonder why a loving couple like yourself can’t create the miracle of life. You get jealous, crabby, bitter, and you just change.
  
• You dread baby showers, and sometimes avoid people who have children because seeing them hurts too much. If it is going to add stress to you, and cause a lot of emotional pain, I say politely decline the invitation to baby showers.  If you still want to send a gift, you don’t have to go to Babies R Us, just order something online and have it sent to her house.  You never have to hold the gift or see it in person; this is how I have handled baby showers for the past few years unless I was hosting, of course, and then I just spent A LOT of time praying for my heart to be softened.
  
• Just because someone has had a hard road with infertility doesn’t make them any more entitled to sad feelings than you. When you’re doing everything right, I don’t care how many cycles you’ve gone through or how many miscarriages you have had, or how many children you have had born sleeping, infertility is hard. No one has more “rights” to sadness or grief.  Grief is grief. Period!
  
• You aren’t crazy; every single woman you know really IS pregnant.  Every friend on Facebook is going to start posting pictures of sticks they have peed on with that magical second line or the glorious word pregnant across the screen.  A few months later all the ultrasound pictures will pop up followed by beautiful birth stories.  You will undoubtedly torture yourself over every announcement and every picture.  I wish I could tell you to stop but you won’t (at least I never could).  Instead, let yourself mourn each time you read or hear the news of a new pregnancy.  One of them will be your sister or your best friend, so get ready for that one.  Cry, scream, yell, whatever it takes, do it.  But then you have to move on.   They are experiencing a joyous occasion in their lives and it’s important not to shut your friends or family out; you need their support.  I wish I had learned this one sooner (in fact I wish I had started counseling much sooner so that I wouldn’t have missed out on sharing the joys of others while I was lost and drowning in my own depression).
  
• It’s okay to be vulnerable and raw with your emotions.  It’s okay to acknowledge that some days are bad days.  Sharing my story with others that have experienced loss has been so healing for me.  It has helped me to feel comfortable in my misery.  It has brought peace to my heart, and brought beautiful women into my life that will forever be my best friends and sisters because we share a path of struggle together.  Pain and suffering are what makes us grow as people. Through pain, we learn to empathize better. Through suffering, we realize that others too might be suffering and we can relate and share about the difficulties of traversing the day with the weight of pain, failure, and loss bearing down on us. The stronger we become, the more we can stand with others in pain, allowing them to suffer but not to suffer alone.
  
• Pain changes a person and although the cause of the pain is often a terrible tragedy, the change a person experiences is not necessarily a bad thing.  I think back to the person I was before I suffered from infertility and failure after painful failure. As I reflect on the person I was before I had to watch everyone around me get what I wanted while my body continued to fail me over and over again, I realize that I am a better person now because of my struggles.
  
• Before infertility, it never occurred to me that people may be smiling on the outside but dealing with a painful, soul-crushing loss on the inside until I was one of those people. I am now hyper aware of other’s feelings and forgiving of people’s shortcomings because I realize that they may be fighting a silent battle too.  Just like I was putting on that fake smile, many others do that as well, offer them grace and mercy.
  
• I never thought about how hurtful certain statements could be: this was meant to happen, this was all in God’s plan, it will happen someday, why don’t you just adopt? I think before I speak now. I don’t try to change or justify the pain because this doesn’t help anyone.  It actually takes power away from them.  I listen more because this is what I learned that I needed during many of my hardest days.
  
• In the past, I always wanted to stop and fix pain, rather than hug people and to tell them it was ok that they were hurting. Now, when people experience pain I tell them that they hurt because what happened mattered. Having experienced pain that seemed so meaningless and feeling “dumb” for being sad for what could have been but never was, I can understand that sometimes pain just needs to sit because it represents what was important to us but is now gone.
  
• I feel that I have always been a kind person. I have always cared deeply about others and I have never meant to intentionally hurt anyone. The person I’ve become is a deeper, more sensitive version of this person.  I feel more, I cry more, and I love deeper. I’ve maneuvered my own grief, which has opened up my heart to other’s grief. I’m stronger and realize that soul-crushing pain, while it takes my breath away, will not crush me.  Suffering breeds experience and something beautiful can come from the darkest experience.
  

Through infertility I have been changed; I’m not who I was before and I’m glad that I will never be that person again.  I’m not thrilled that I have walked so many years through infertility, but I’m happy with the outcome.  I’m glad that I depended on the Father to carry me through this storm, and I’m blessed to have had a husband who constantly pointed me back to Jesus.  I’m glad to be taking a break with this struggle and while I know that life is so very short and precious, I will try my best to embrace everyday that the Lord gives us with this baby.  If you are struggling with infertility, loss, or grief, I hope you know that I pray for you on a daily basis that God would fulfill the desires of your heart and fill you with peace and joy while you wait.  You are a very special population that I am proud to be a member of to love on and pray for.

Little Peep Bumpdate {Week 22}

Date: 1/22/14

How far along: 22 weeks

Fruit-size comparison: A papaya (another fruit I’ve never tried before lol)
Developmental milestones: Little Peep is starting to have his own sleep cycles, and I’m starting to be able to tell when he is awake and when he is asleep.

Maternity clothes: I am in all maternity clothes for the most part.  With many of my hand-me-downs, I’m doing pretty well here.  But, I think I will have to break down and get pants for work soon.  I know I keep saying that, but now I actually need to do it (which means physically going to a store and I hate doing that).  Something that I did get (thank you Ashley for the suggestion) was a Bella Wrap Around Maternity Shirt (great deal: free shipping, great quality, & will work well for nursing).  This is so comfortable and I love it!!!

Weight gain: 9lbs still…though I feel like my face is starting to fill out more.

Stretch Marks: Nothing yet, even though I can tell that my skin is beginning to stretch more and more
Sleep:  Sleep is so good these days :-)

Best moment of the week: This past week was awesome: though the spring semester just started, we’ve already missed 3 days (I’m getting way too used to this!)  1- Anyways, I finally finished my registries over the weekend!!!!! Yay!!! That was really tough for me, extremely overwhelming, but definitely educational.  Thank you everyone for your suggestions and especially to Grace who went with me on Saturday (you’re so patient with me).  We’re registered for Little Peep at Target and Babies ‘R’ Us.  2- I purchased some nursing bras that are heavenly; they fit so much better and help my back out; again, thank you for the suggestions.  3-  Lately in the mornings, after the Mr. gets up for work, Roo hops up in bed with me and he snuggles so close to me and uses my belly for a pillow.  It’s always so cute!!!! Morning snuggles with my Rooney are the best, and I think Little Peep and Rooney will be the best of friends.

Movement: I absolutely love to feel Little Peep move around.  He is getting more and more active.  It makes working extra fun to know that he is wiggling.  It’s like “bring your kid to work day” everyday.  I have not felt him while I’ve been teaching yet.  I like to think that is because he is already a great student and listening attentively….or maybe taking notes? ;-)  But more likely, my voice has put him to sleep, and judging from some of my students, Little Peep isn’t alone hahahaha
Cravings:   Nothing really here

Gender: A little man is on the way :-)

Belly button in or out:  Still an innie but getting flatter
Wedding ring:  On
Anything making you queasy/sick: Nothing that I can think of
What I miss: Nothing.  You know on Sunday while the Mr. and I were getting ready for church I had a thought that I shared with him: I don’t feel like anything has changed.  I wish I could demonstrate for you the look on his face when I said that, but it was something like “Are you serious?! Have you seen your stomach lately?!” I know my belly is getting bigger, and I know that I have heartburn now, and I know that I can feel him moving, and I know that I am truly filled with joy…..but I still feel exactly like myself.  I don’t feel like my body has been taken over, though I know he is there and dictating certain changes in my lifestyle, but mentally I still feel like the same old me.
What I’m looking forward to:  I still have a while to go, but I’m looking forward to our next appointment and hearing about how things are going with Little Peep.  Also…I’m totally looking forward to the Super Bowl this weekend hehe
Labor signs:    Nope and I am totally okay with that
Symptoms: 1- I’ve still got heartburn, occasional shortness of breath, and some upper back aches, but nothing unbearable.  2- I’ve got a nice case of “pregnancy brain”.  A lot of people wonder if this is real, but as a neuroscientist I will tell you, that it really is a real thing.  The brain changes in so many ways to prepare for the lifestyle change (e.g. increased need for brain areas dedicated to multi-tasking), and increased hormones necessary for the gestational phase as well as birth.  With all of these changes, the brains of pregnant women actually shrinks.  Sooo, I blame all of the dumb (but hilarious) things I’ve been doing on my shrinking brain.  Two funny things stand out to me, the first being my morning tea.  I always put a mug of water in the microwave to heat up in the morning for my tea.  The other day I put the mug in the microwave for 2 minutes without any water in it; I completely forgot that step.  Secondly, the other day when I had to provide a urine sample for the doctor, I pulled out the cup and label to get ready like I always do.  Then as I was urinating (I know, I know, TMI), I realized that I was watching the cup that I was supposed to be filling, on the table across the bathroom.  Now I had no urine to provide….and what was I doing? Did I think the cup would fill itself?!?!  I ended up having to stay late after my appointment until I had to go again…..preggo brain! 3-I’m still on pelvic rest, but I’m behaving (I promise!).  It’s a challenge for me to accept help from others, but I know that I need to do this for Little Peep, because he has a lot of baking left to do!  The Admin at work has been helping me carry things around and I’m now leaving time to take the elevator to all of my meetings and classes.

Nursery: Over the weekend the Mr. started on the first project for the baby’s room.  With a trip to Lowe’s and busting the saw out, I think it’s safe to say that DIY season is back in business in the Hawley house and I couldn’t be more excited.  I keep walking into his room and staring at everything.

Emotions: I’m just generally excited, and looking forward to this semester (and remainder of this pregnancy).  I feel like I just have so much to look forward to so I’m embracing and enjoying everyday.

A Wednesday In the Life

I have always wanted to tell you, or show you rather, what  my days look like, one hour at a time.  My days are always different because of my class schedule.  Sometimes I am lecturing in the morning and sometimes I’m lecturing at 9 pm, so things shift from day to day, and no 2 days are the same within a week.  But I think if I just highlight one particular day you will get the idea of what I’m doing on a daily basis.  So this is what a typical Wednesday looks like for me:

6:00 AM

I’ve already been up for about an hour, but I’ve been in bed snuggling with the puppies and checking my email.  Really I’m just praying for another snow day.

7:00 AM

I don’t normally have pancakes for breakfast but these were left over from the snowday yesterday.  So pancakes it is, with my morning tea and devotion time.

8:00 AM

I’m wrapped up pretty warm this morning and about to walk out the door for my morning commute; Wednesdays only take me about 20 minutes to get to work.  Notice, I’m rockin’ a topsy-tail this morning ;-)

9:00 AM

I’m at work chugging the homemade fruit smoothie I brought from home while I check emails.  Today I’m having bananas, strawberry, and soy milk.

10:00 AM

I only have one lecture on Wednesdays, Experimental Psychology.  I’m here before the students so that I can set up the projector for class.  Time to mold some minds!

11:00 AM

The students are working on an activity while I take attendance.  I don’t normally sit to lecture, but because of my pelvic rest, I do sit to lecture now and this is my trusty chair.

12:00 PM

Class is over and I’m starving.  This is what I have for lunch everyday: tomato and basil hummus with cucumbers and tomatoes, tomatoes and cottage cheese, and an apple with string cheese.  I also usually have peanut butter and crackers but I ate those before I took the picture (oops!).

1:00 PM

Time to check more emails, do some paperwork around the office, and prep for classes tomorrow.

2:00 PM

To miss traffic, I left work a little bit earlier than I normally would so that I could drop the Mr.'s shoes off at the hospital.  This is their 3rd visit, so hopefully the third time is a charm.  This is one of the awesome things about my job: having a flexible schedule where I can run these types of quick errands during the week.

3:00 PM

We've got smallgroup tonight, and it's our week to lead discussion, so I've got to read our chapter! Tonight we're talking about Chapter 7: The Sacred History of Our Marriage.  This is an awesome book to read with your spouse; I highly recommend it!

4:00 PM

Taking notes and formulating discussion questions for this evening.

5:00 PM

I have a few minutes before I need to start dinner so I'm doing a little bit of blog writing and reading; I gotta squeeze it in when I can :-)

6:00 PM

Pulling left-over spaghetti out of the fridge for dinner tonight before smallgroup.  The Mr. isn’t home yet, so we need something that we can have fast before running out the door.  I always cook a big meal on Tuesdays so that we can have those leftovers on Wednesdays before church.

7:00 PM

At church and we need some coffee if we’re going to make it through the evening.

8:00 PM

We had smallgroup and prayer time (no pictures during this time obviously), but here is my prayer journal that I use for smallgroup.

9:00 PM

We just got home and the high heels finally came off.  My tootsies are being swaddled in my house shoes.

10:00 PM

I have a feeling I’m about to pass out on the couch, so I better get this last picture for you before the day is officially completed :-)

Well that is a typical Wednesday for me.  Though I think I should probably do this everyday of the week so that you could see how each day is so vastly different  lol

Happy Hump Day all!!!

This morning I’m linking up with Meg and Stephanie, so come join the hourly fun :-)

What I’m Lovin’ Wednesday: Girl Time {Hearsay}

Our blogging group hasn’t gotten together in while, so when I got the invite, I cleared my schedule!  I mean I was in need of some time with my gal pals. So Saturday we hit up Hearsay in Houston.  Not only was this place gorgeous (I’m talking exposed brick with crystal chandeliers, live string music, and spectacular food), but I totally enjoyed gabbing all morning with my girls.

For brunch I had crème brulee french toast…..I ate every single thing on this plate and still wanted more!

These nice pictures are from the Hearsay website. 
If you’re in Houston you’ve got to check this place out. 
Delicious!

Thank you Meg and Whitney for organizing this month’s meet-up!!  Y’all are so awesome to take care of all the details, and with such grace!

Saturday afternoon, after lunch, I met up with my bestie Grace and her brand new little boy.  She took me through every single aisle to help me register for Little Peep (thank goodness the registry process is completed, for now!).  Not only did she tell me what things I actually needed and what brands are the best, but also answered my interrogation of L&D and baby questions.  I felt so much better, a sense of relief, after chatting and spending the afternoon and evening with her.  Thank you so much Grace for your time, patience, and mostly for your unconditional friendship and prayers.  You're such a godly wife and mama and I'm so grateful to have you as my friend!

I hardly got any pictures this weekend because I was just running my mouth and laughing so much.  And really that is how it should be, ya know?  Sometimes it just isn’t about the pictures, it’s about that quality time with friends and catching up.  If you haven't had a brunch or a chit-chat with your gal pals in a while, go and do it!  
That’s my assignment for you: go and chat it up with your girls!

You see, girl time is the best, we all need it sometimes.  Go and have some good girl talk.
It will definitely make you smile :-)

I'm Really Glad You're Here {Kid President}

Y'all know how much I love me some Kid President, and well, quite honestly, he has done it again.

He's always got it right, and I can't help but think about Little Peep and what his first days on earth will be like, when he still smells like heaven.  I hope I remember to tell him all of these wonderful things about earth:

"laughing IS great"

"some days will be awesome"

"some days you'll get ice cream, and some days you wont"

"There's plenty of reasons to dance, you just have to look for them"

"You're not going to be doing this alone"

"We all mess up sometimes"

"Take brain pictures, because amazing things will happen everyday"

"It's not about what you do, it's about who you are.  You, you're awesome.You're made that way.  You were made from love, to be loved, to spread love. And love is always louder...let your life be loud!"

Thanks Kellyn for sending this link to me! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some dancing to do. Happy Monday Friends! Here are some of my other favorite videos from Kid President:  Not Cool Robert Frost Be More Awesome

Little Peep Bumpdate {Week 21}

Well look at me! It only took me HALF the pregnancy to get each week going as it’s own post. (cue the dance party music)

Date: 1/15/14

How far along: 21 weeks

Fruit-size comparison: Little Peep is the size of a pomegranate (Fun fact: I’ve never had a pomegranate before, not even the seeds)
Developmental milestones: His digestive system has started working & he is now producing meconium for the first time we get to change his diaper (and yes, I’m absolutely looking forward to this and every other “first”)

Maternity clothes: Oh yes!  I was worried about work clothes when a packaged arrived on my door step with some wonderful hand-me-down dresses that are perfect for work!  Thank you so much Christine for this blessing!
Weight gain: 9lbs, and I'm pretty happy about this.  My doctor was pleased as well.
Stretch Marks: Still nothing here
Sleep:  I sleep like a rock and I'm counting my blessings here.  I have multiple potty breaks and if Little Peep is having acrobatic practice during this time, sometimes I wait to fall back to sleep just so that we get some special time together; I don't want to miss a moment with him.
Best moment of the week: 1- I moved to my new doctor this week and I have so much peace with this transition.  We had a lot of issues with my previous OB and fertility specialist (seriously too many to list), so I was really looking forward to this switch.  On Monday, which was a holiday and the office was closed but I just happened to run into my new care giver as I was checking out my new hospital, and he just gave me an impromptu 45 minute “let’s check out the baby” session for FREE!!!  It was so nice of him to just take the time to get to know me and Little Peep and what we wanted.  I wept because I was just so grateful for the Lord placing him in our lives to take care of us.  Since I had the impromptu ultrasound, I got to see him wiggling all around & hear his sweet heartbeat.  Everything is measuring exactly on schedule, with the exception of Little Peep’s legs….they are measuring a week in advance in length (go figure that one out with a 6’7 dad hehe).  It looks like the majority of my belly is reserved for his legs lol During the ultrasound we also saw him practice breathing, which apparently isn’t supposed to start until 24-28 weeks.  My baby is a genius…..think he could be a neuroscientist like his mama???  We also saw him holding his hands like he was praying again.  What a cute little boy and I just can’t wait to meet him.  2- My best friend (sorority sister, roommate from college, and bridesmaid from my wedding) came to visit this past weekend.  It was SO nice to see her again.  I sure have missed her, so the weekend was fabulous and filled with chatting and catching up. A dream weekend!  Katie, I can’t wait for you to come back to TX!!!

Movement: More and more everyday, and I just love it.  He isn’t very aggressive (yet) with his movements but I can definitely tell he is there.
Cravings: Still pizza, salads, & subs
Gender: A little man is on the way :-) 
Belly button in or out:  Innie
Wedding ring:   On
Anything making you queasy/sick: Still mouthwash, but only in the evenings
What I miss: Nothing really
What I’m looking forward to: Working on our registry this weekend…..what are some must-haves that I need????
Labor signs:   No, and hopefully still not for a while
Symptoms: My upper back in the evenings is sore sometimes so I’m still working those exercises.  We did find out at the beginning of January that Little Peep and I have some placenta issues.  For now I’m just on pelvic rest, no exercise, lifting, or anything strenuous.  We’re hoping to keep me off bed rest for now (and preterm labor of course), because not only do we not want the placenta to rupture but because of my blood type, we don’t want our bloods mixing. Please say a prayer for us if you get a chance! Let’s see what else? My center of gravity is off now.  I’ve fallen out of the shower twice (like through the curtain) and I’m constantly running into chairs.  It’s almost as if my depth perception is off.  Crazy and funny.

Nursery: Last weekend when Katie was here we got a basket to start organizing Little Peep's toys and putting his clothes in his dresser.  Now the Mr. has a few tasks to tackle in there before I can really get my décor on :-)

Emotions: I am simply filled with joy all.the.time. (I’m borderline annoying with my optimism right now I think).  I have way more peace than I’ve ever had during this pregnancy, for which I praise the Lord for!