Friday, February 3, 2017

You Don't Have To Explain

Last weekend the Mr. had to work so we quickly scheduled a play date with a friend we've been missing for a couple years.  Yes, YEARS!! You know when schedules just get so crazy and you can't catch each other, but when you finally can you pounce on the opportunity and look forward to it all week? YES! This was one of those moments.  Thank goodness she is a patient friend!
So my friend and her precious sweet boy came over to play (hi sweet friend!).  While our boys were playing we consumed a huge delicious pot of dark coffee & chatted for hours.  She recently found out that she was expecting and we were talking about her schedule for this summer and when the baby would arrive.  She told me when the baby was going to be born and that she was having a RSC (repeated scheduled C-Section) and without a pause she begin telling me why she was having this "elective" procedure.  She just assumed that I was going to judge her decision or have something to say about it so she needed to explain the decision to me.
I had to interrupt her.
You are my friend.  I love you. 
I care about your mind and your thoughts. 
BUT
Mama, you do not have to justify your choices to me about how you will mother.You Don't Have to Explain-1
When did our society become so judgemental that it's second nature to have to defend your choices before a discussion even exists?  Especially with your friends?! Why do you have to prepare for the next argument before the next argument exists?
This makes my heart hurt for our world.  Everyone desires so much to have their own opinion respected, yet many times in guarding and promoting their own motives they find it acceptable to force their choices upon someone else with judgement. It's a little ironic (thank you Alanis Morissette)
You are my friend. I love you. 
If anyone wants to talk with me about your options and ask for what I would do, then great we can have those discussions with charity.  But if you just want to tell me what you're doing with your family and your life I respect that because I know that you're trying to do the best you can for your family.  Just like I want you to respect my choices, I respect yours.  I don't have to do what everyone else is doing in order to respect someone else.  I’m pretty sure there are very few mothers who wake up every morning and say “Gee I wonder how much I can screw up my kids today.  I didn’t do well enough at making their life miserable yesterday, so maybe today will be better” NO ONE says that!  If anything we are so hard on ourselves and never give ourselves grace!  
I don't care how you do this mothering job as long as you're trying.
So mama,
epidural or natural
vaginal birth or belly birth
Fertile Myrtle or fertility assistance or surrogacy or adoption
breast or bottle or formula
homeschool or private or public
peanut butter or almond butter
stroller or baby wearing
co-sleep or crib
cry it out or sleep train
Midwife or doctor
cloth diaper or disposable diaper
organic or McDonald's
day care or school or nanny
essential oils or Tylenol
stay-at-home or work-at-home or work-out of-the home
I want you to know that you don't have to explain your decision to me on how you're choosing to mother and grow your family.  I think you're doing an amazing job and the perfect mother to your kids.  No one knows your cutie-pa-tootie better than you. No mommy wars. No guilt.
No need to fight against one another, lets just make one big tribe of compassion.
Cheers to you, the super mama in your house!
A friend loves at all times

2 comments:

Amy Wick said...

Love this, Darby! Think I needed to read this today!
-Amy

StephTheBookworm said...

I so agree, Darby! There are so many parenting styles and so many choices and we ALL want the best for our kids. I do my best with my resources and beliefs and so does every mother. :)

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