Monday, January 13, 2014

What Readers Really Want {Embarrassing Pregnancy Stories}

Some funny things happened in my first and beginning of second trimester.  *Note- they are only funny now because they aren’t happening and time has passed* The Mr. really encouraged me to write this post because he said that this is what readers really want.  Apparently the day-to-day can be boring, but embarrassing stories? Yep, that is where it is at lol  So here I am being very authentic with you.  But remember this is between me and you, don’t tell anyone I told you ;-)

Story Time 1:
During my first trimester, well and still now really, I was really very sensitive to smells.  I have always had a pretty good detector on the front of my face but now this sense is super heightened.  Anyways, Rooney was in the bathroom while I was showering one day, and when I opened the shower curtain to get my towel Rooney tooted.  Yes, I’m talking full-on, loud and clear, stink bomb.  Now I’m not blaming this tootie on Rooney because he can't defend himself on here because of the whole absent opposable thumb issue; it really was a stinky pup fart.  (already I can't believe I'm sharing this story with you lol)  Since I just got out of the shower I couldn’t just run out of the bathroom butt-naked, but the smell was beginning to consume me and I knew I was starting to turn green.  I couldn’t escape the smell and it was burning brain cells but I couldn’t figure out a plan of escape fast enough.  As I started gagging I realized this was going to be ugly, so I leaned over and got sick in the sink.  Now I was hurling so hard and uncontrollable that I started to wet myself.  That’s right, imagine walking into a fart-filled bathroom with a naked pregnant woman hurling in the sink while urine ran down her legs into the bathtub.  So needless to say, I had to get back in the shower and clean-up, but not before that pup got the boot out of the bathroom!  That pup's gas is atrocious!

Story Time 2:
When I was 15 weeks preggers, I got a tough cold; like a cold that knocked me on my boo-tay!  I was coughing so much that my throat was completely raw, so raw that when I coughed or sneezed blood came up.  Nasty!  I ended up pulling all of the muscles in my back because my coughing became so violent.  Since my gag reflex was so sensitive, when I was trying to cough up the gunk, I would end up making myself sick.  On my toughest night, I was throwing up at least once an hour because of all of the coughing, and I camped out in front of the toilet because there was no use in getting up if I was going to be right back there in 45 minutes (I was sick and lazy).  I recall this kind of "camp-out" after many nights out in college, only this time the reason could not have been more different.  Anyways, I digress, my bladder control is so sensitive that when I was coughing my lungs up and puking, every muscle in my body was tense, and I ended up wetting myself.  Yep, every 45 minutes I was coughing, puking, and wetting myself....reaaaaallly attractive.  The next morning when the Mr. woke up I can only imagine what was going through his mind when he found me passed out in the hall, and with a pile of towels, undies, and socks next to the toilet.  Thank goodness that man loves me.

So there it is, real-life pregnancy!  No pictures today….I figured wetting my pants and exposing myself was enough for you.  At least I hope so ;-) 
xoxo Darby

13 comments :

Jessica said...

You poor thing!!! You are not alone. Almost every mom I talk to has a story like this. For me it was just after having Lydia. We were home and I was pumping, so I got up to get some out of the fridge and warm it up. I turned the sink on, and then I felt a trickle going down my leg. I thought it was blood until I looked down and saw what was happening! I legit peed on our kitchen rug. It was mortifying! Now it is funny to me, and I realize it wasn't my fault because my nerves and muscles weren't working properly down there at the time! I am grateful to report, things got much better and I have never done anything like that since ;)

Joy said...

Just so you know... you will be wetting yourself more and more in the coming weeks. At papaw's funeral, every time I stood up, Avery would shift and land hard on my bladder and there is NO controlling that. So yeah, I would pee a little. I was talking to our OB about it last Wednesday and she laughed and said, JUST WAIT. So.... there you have it! =)

Jessica Reyna Brogan said...

I remember those days all too well. I think every pregnant woman ever has at some point coughed, puked, or laughed her way to wetting herself. Welcome to the club; it's quite a hazing.

Morgan said...

Hilarious! Welcome to the Moms Who've Peed On Themselves Club! :-) (actually, it's really just the Mom's Club b/c pretty sure every woman who's been pregnant has wet themselves!) LOL When I went into labor with Reese, I woke up to go to the bathroom and felt a huge gush that saturated my PJ pants. Thought my water had broken, but nope...I had just peed all over myself, LOL! They can do a test to see if it is urine or your water. Luckily, I was in labor anyway so the trip to the hospital at 1am was not wasted! I think I had a contraction that squeezed my bladder empty!

Lauren said...

I love that you shared this but also I am traumatized. I know Little Peep is worth it but MAN why does pregnancy have to be such a pain in the butt... or should I say bladder? (I will go hang my head in shame for my corniness now).

Sabrina said...

Just wait until AFTER delivery!!! :)

Heather said...

hahaha! Thanks for reminding me what pregnancy is REALLY like! I was starting to forget.

Nadine Lynn said...

At least you can laugh about it now, right? That coughing thing is horrible, I have been coughing so hard this past weekend that I pee a little bit and I am NOT pregnant. That just aint right.

Kristen Danielle said...

Oh my goodness!!! Hilarious! At least you can laugh about it, right?! :)

Jessica K said...

Totally love it!! These are awesome!!

Brooke @ Pieces of the Reese Life said...

Loved reading these! Seriously hope I soon have such funny and memorable stories to tell. It all makes the experience in my opinion. :)

PS-nomianted you for the Liebster Award on my blog!

XO

sherri lynn said...

hahaha Darby I love that you shared these stories! They gave me a good laugh to start my Tuesday :) You poor thing - you've had a rough go of it at times! At least you can laugh now!

ari @ whatarisaid said...

Oh my goodness, you poor thing! Man, pregnancy sounds interesting for sure!

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