In the next coming weeks I will be sharing about our years of struggles with infertility. While this post has been in my draft box for about two years, I still don’t think I’m ready to share it. It’s
We found out on Sunday, September 22, 2013. I was late, but I am never regular so that was nothing new. The previous cycle had really done a number on me psychologically and physically. We had switched over to new hormones and I thought for sure we had conceived in July; I had so many symptoms and was so excited. But as you know, the higher the expectations, the more the words “Not Pregnant” sting on a plastic home pregnancy test. So in September when I was late and didn’t have a single symptom, besides no cycle, I decided I just didn’t want to take the test. I just didn’t want to read it again; I didn’t want to be hurt again. So that Friday (9/20) we went to a wine tasting (because I was sure I wasn't pregnant…God is so funny sometimes when He humbles me). Saturday (9/21) at our date night, the Mr. told me that he thought we should buy a test because "tests being expensive" wasn’t a good reason not to (this was the reason I blamed for not really wanting to take a test. If I'm being honest here, we all know I just didn't want to get hurt by the words "Not Pregnant" again. But seriously, I didn’t want to take a test if my cycle was just going to come anyways, those little boogers are the most expensive pieces of plastic that women pee on just to throw away!) When I look back now, I should have realized I was pregnant for a few reasons: I fell asleep during a Steelers game the Monday before (this never happens folks), I was exhausted every evening though I thought that was due to my work load increase, I was easily agitated, and I was craving meat (I even had pepperonis for breakfast one morning).
Sunday morning (9/22) the Mr. got up early to walk the dogs. When he left I got up to take the test, so that I could hurry up and cry at the “Not Pregnant” before he got back. I had been mentally preparing myself for the BFN (Big Fat Negative; this is what those who suffer from infertility have to do, mentally prepare ourselves for seeing the worst again). I just stared at the test sitting on the window in the bathroom, anticipating another cry fest, but this time I got a different answer. When “Pregnant” came across the screen the only thing I could do was to hit my knees crying and praying. I just spent the next 15 minutes crying and praising God on the bathroom floor. I’m so glad God doesn’t care where we pray. I prayed and prayed thanking God; this was all His doing. Not mine, not the Mr’s, not the doctors, not the hormones. This was HIS timing. I wanted to surprise the Mr. some way….even though he purchased the test the night before, so I brushed my teeth really fast (and as best I could because I was shaking like you would not believe), and got to work on his surprise.
Four years ago when we decided to start trying for a baby I bought the Mr. a football burb cloth, swaddle blanket, and onesie. I just kept moving it from closet to closet over the years as we waited. But before the Mr. got back from the walk I dug out that box and wrapped the positive pregnancy test in the items. When he got back I told him that I found a Christmas present as I was cleaning out the office closet that I forgot to give him (at this point we were remodeling my office, and it’s not unusual for me to find Christmas presents later in the year because I hide them so well I forget them). So he opened it and I will never forget the look on his face; it was joy, fear, shock, excitement, surprise, all at the same time. So we went to our bedroom, knelt by our bed and just prayed to God for this blessing. Then we went to a couple grocery stores for more tests and a doughnut shop because what's great news without doughnuts?! When all of the other tests quickly came back positive, we prayed some more, got ready for church and that was that. This day, 9/22/13, was one of the most special days we’ve ever experienced as husband and wife, and we rejoice in the years of struggle that we have waited through for this day.
September 22, 2013 was when one journey came to an end (for now), and the next journey begins. We feel so blessed, and we are so grateful for this opportunity. We take every single day with this baby as a gift and we embrace this life. Thank you again for the prayers, please keep them coming!