Monday, January 13, 2014

What Readers Really Want {Embarrassing Pregnancy Stories}

Some funny things happened in my first and beginning of second trimester.  *Note- they are only funny now because they aren’t happening and time has passed* The Mr. really encouraged me to write this post because he said that this is what readers really want.  Apparently the day-to-day can be boring, but embarrassing stories? Yep, that is where it is at lol  So here I am being very authentic with you.  But remember this is between me and you, don’t tell anyone I told you ;-)

Story Time 1:
During my first trimester, well and still now really, I was really very sensitive to smells.  I have always had a pretty good detector on the front of my face but now this sense is super heightened.  Anyways, Rooney was in the bathroom while I was showering one day, and when I opened the shower curtain to get my towel Rooney tooted.  Yes, I’m talking full-on, loud and clear, stink bomb.  Now I’m not blaming this tootie on Rooney because he can't defend himself on here because of the whole absent opposable thumb issue; it really was a stinky pup fart.  (already I can't believe I'm sharing this story with you lol)  Since I just got out of the shower I couldn’t just run out of the bathroom butt-naked, but the smell was beginning to consume me and I knew I was starting to turn green.  I couldn’t escape the smell and it was burning brain cells but I couldn’t figure out a plan of escape fast enough.  As I started gagging I realized this was going to be ugly, so I leaned over and got sick in the sink.  Now I was hurling so hard and uncontrollable that I started to wet myself.  That’s right, imagine walking into a fart-filled bathroom with a naked pregnant woman hurling in the sink while urine ran down her legs into the bathtub.  So needless to say, I had to get back in the shower and clean-up, but not before that pup got the boot out of the bathroom!  That pup's gas is atrocious!

Story Time 2:
When I was 15 weeks preggers, I got a tough cold; like a cold that knocked me on my boo-tay!  I was coughing so much that my throat was completely raw, so raw that when I coughed or sneezed blood came up.  Nasty!  I ended up pulling all of the muscles in my back because my coughing became so violent.  Since my gag reflex was so sensitive, when I was trying to cough up the gunk, I would end up making myself sick.  On my toughest night, I was throwing up at least once an hour because of all of the coughing, and I camped out in front of the toilet because there was no use in getting up if I was going to be right back there in 45 minutes (I was sick and lazy).  I recall this kind of "camp-out" after many nights out in college, only this time the reason could not have been more different.  Anyways, I digress, my bladder control is so sensitive that when I was coughing my lungs up and puking, every muscle in my body was tense, and I ended up wetting myself.  Yep, every 45 minutes I was coughing, puking, and wetting myself....reaaaaallly attractive.  The next morning when the Mr. woke up I can only imagine what was going through his mind when he found me passed out in the hall, and with a pile of towels, undies, and socks next to the toilet.  Thank goodness that man loves me.

So there it is, real-life pregnancy!  No pictures today….I figured wetting my pants and exposing myself was enough for you.  At least I hope so ;-) 
xoxo Darby
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